»15th June 2018

Ed Sheeran

And I got dragged along to see Ed Sheeran. There's not even enough here to justify that drop cap at the start. Read on.

Look, you've seen one gig photo you've seen them all. Especially at this astronomical distance.

The 2%

After one of the early songs in the set Ed was trying to warm up the crowd and explained how 98% of the people at his shows always sing the words back at him and throw their hands in the air etc. The remaining 2% are either people who have been dragged along with their partners or are the 'Super Dads' just there to look after their kids. Only 2% of the crowd being dragged along or unwilling seems like a pretty low estimate to me. It did remind me of EC3's 'Top 1%' theme though.

Below Puppet Show

Here are some ideas for what I would have liked to have seen at an Ed Sheeran concert:

Pyro: I just think four or so forty-foot flame towers would have really added to things. I'm talking Rammstein-style pyrotechnics here. He had one song from The Hobbit He had one song from from Lord of the Rings He had one song from Game of Thrones called 'I see fire' or something, I mean it's obvious, right? And that's obvious as in 'obviously a good idea' rather than, 'that's so obvious. Why would we ever do that?'

When I was six years old I broke m-FOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!!! [crowd cheers]
I was running from my brother an-FOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!!! [more cheering]
And tasted the sweet perfume-KRAK! [statue of Lady Justice starts collapsing]
I was younger-KRAK!-take me b-KRAK!-when I.

Set list:

In a similar vein; lasers. Is that too much to ask?

Dancing girls. Robbie has dancing girls--Williams, that is. Is there another mononymous Robbie. Coltrane? Carlisle?--Maybe more of Robbie's audience are male, though. He did have a sort-of-Liam-Gallagher vibe going for a while when he boasted he was rich beyond his wildest dreams, around the time 'Let met entertain you' came out. Perhaps he attracts that kind of modern male audience who are totally fine with his other balladry, because he speaks to them, as an equal, as a man, man. Man's man's man.

Anyway, Robbie has dancing girls. It's something to look at. Look, it could be dancing guys. Dancing girls would be better, but some dancers. Something. Anything. I just want to look at something besides a little ginger man with a guitar.

Seriously, what does Ed Sheeran's sound guy even do? I mean if Ed actually does all that looping for real, and doesn't just use a backing track, what is there to do once he starts playing? Well he seemed to play a different guitar for every single song, so that's maybe one thing his guitar tech would have to do. And the camera guy, occasionally he wanders around on the stage, but other than that he stays firmly dead centre with the mic stand. Laziest tour requirements ever.

Is it unreasonable to have these kind of expectations of an enormous sold-out stadium tour? Metallica had a fucking computer-controlled drone swarm circling overhead for one of their songs and no shortage of pyro. Even lazy lad-rock connoisseurs Royal Blood had lasers. Come on!

I think he played every song he does. He played every song. Every single song has a different guitar. Every guitar is identical. Every.

Stop waffling, what about the gig?

Yeah it was okay. It was at the Etihad stadium which is in the middle of what was presumably once the athlete's village for the Commonwealth Games. FINISH THIS OFF

We used some ParkOnMyDrive.com kinda website to park on some guy's drive. It was a brand new estate, the roads hadn't even been tarmac'd, so it wasn't in the sat-nav. Oh joy. The guy whose drive it was greeted us and explained to us that it was like a ten minute walk to the stadium. It wasn't, more like half an hour, but it was a nice day and we weren't bothered about seeing the support (Some girl: Shirley-Ann recognised the song, sounded dancey.)

We didn't have particularly expensive seats and as a result we were surrounded by people who enjoy gigs less for the music and more for the opportunity to spend £5 for a pint of Strongbow Dark Fruits in a plastic cup and then spend two hours making everyone on the same row stand up so they can go to the toilet. The seats were about four miles from the stage and as is apparently often the case with stadiums, the PA was kinda rubbish. As a result, the sound was pretty poor. Ed likes to bang a kick rhythm on his guitar. Over the PA, and from seven miles away, this just comes off as indistinct woofing rather than a 'kick' sound.

the sound in stadiums is bad

bang noise halfway through set -Yeah, I thought it was a terrorist attack. It was probably someone closing the lid on a dumpster.



Extar, over, out.

Extar

TCP/IP, it's fucking me off. Other protocols doing little more. Definitely got worse. Now making me curse. Removing IPX. Will it ever work? Never!