»18th August 2017

Looking Backward

Just today I rediscovered a blog update from 1st January which I didn't finish (probably because I thought it was rubbish.) Well, it's more than halfway through the year and I'm once again desperate to get something posted up on here. So let's see how well my predictions/thoughts from January went.

10 Films I Couldn't Believe I Seen In 2017

1. Alien: Convenant

This was pretty flat. It was basically another attempt by the senile Ridley Scott to make Prometheus. This attempt wasn't fucked by Damon Lindelof but it was still pretty forgetable. I'm pretty sure that Ridley Scott doesn't understand what makes his own film (Alien) great. Hint: it's not that big skeleton in the weird seat in the ship at the start of the film.

It never did explain where all that black goo came from.

There's an interesting recurring theme of Ridley Scott's films that Alien: Covenant made apparent, and that's the idea of meeting (and hating) your creator who also wants to kill you (daddy issues?). I could never put my finger on why Prometheus felt more like it existed in the Blade Runner universe. This is an interesting idea to explore and Scott can still create impressive visuals--although I feel as if Covenant will very quickly start to look very dated, the sweeping CG landscape shots reminded me of... Avatar [shudder]--however, none of this needs to happen in an Alien film. Has he just given up now and accepts that the only way he can make these hippie sci-fi films is by tacking them onto the Alien franchise? Sad!

I still haven't seen The Martian.

2. Some Marvel film: They're still making these.

So we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2. It wasn't as good as the first one, it felt a lot more forced. Also, Kurt Russel's weird Dad-god (daddy issues?) took the story into the realms of 'weird cosmic shit comics do when they've run out of ideas' territory.

3. Let's be realistic.

Logan is technically a Marvel film. The X-Men films stand apart from Marvel for the fact they're better (unashamed X-Men fanboy here). X-Men films are like a +1 sword in D&D. Yes, your Avengers film might role a 5 and do better than X-Men Origins: Wolverine's 1+1 or match The Wolverine's 4+1, but no matter how hard Tony Stark tries, he's not going to beat Logan's 6+1. Okay, so I probably lost half of you (two) there. Logan is the best comic book film I've seen since The Dark Knight. It feels like it's cheapening it to even call it a comic book film, it's just a good film! In a 2017 cinema, a good. film. that isn't a sequel or fucking superheroes should be celebrated.

It was cool to see Logan in his traditional blue and yellow spandex.

4. Maybe three more Marvel films in total.

I'll probably go and see Thor: Ragnarok. I didn't see Doctor Strange. I'm sick and tired of even talking about these films. They're entertaining, but in about the least challenging way possible. Empty calories.

5. Another DC movie: because Superman V Batman was so successful.

I didn't see Wonder Woman because I have no interest in the character. I guess that makes me a part of the misogynistic patriarchy. FIGHT THE POWER

I can't wait to see Wonder Woman team up with Tony Stark to fight Kylo Ren.

6. Blade Runner 2049

Ridley Scott doesn't understand what makes Blade Runner good. I don't know why he decided ten years after making the film that the Deckard should be a replicant. The idea that Deckard could be a replicant or that it ultimately doesn't matter is far more interesting and supportive of the story. Think about the flak that George Lucas gets for meddling with Generation X's collective childhood memory, Star Wars. But Blade Runner is actually a good film! (okay, so it's one of my favourite films) It doesn't need messing with! Especially by someone who has decided that the story they were originally telling isn't enough.

Blade Runner needed more sunny exterior shots.

Think about the 'tears in the rain' speech scene. Roy Batty has defeated Deckard completely and has rescued him from falling to his death. If Deckard is a human (the replicant's creator) then Roy has defeated his own creator (who has been trying to kill him for the entire film). By saving Deckard and then in his final moments sharing some of his vivid memories of his short life, he has shown more humanity than either Deckard or any of the other humans in the film, and this is quite beautiful.

But this isn't good enough for Ridley Scott. WHAT IF DICKWAD IS A REPLICANT TOO!?!?!?

Well in that case, Roy Batty has just defeated another replicant like himself--probably a less advanced model, basic combat model like Leon? He's already killed his creator, Tyrell, but he's not able to transcend his existence. He's telling Deckard about watching c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate, but does Deckard even understand him? His short, brutal life working as a disposable tool for humans has just come down to regailing another Nexus 6 about how shit life and death is. Deckard's a replicant so he'll probably be dead soon as well. Bleak.

Oh hey, Wikipedia quote: In an interview with Dan Jolin, Hauer said that these final lines showed that Batty wanted to "make his mark on existence ... the replicant in the final scene, by dying, shows Deckard what a real man is made of."

Someone needs to tell Ridley to stop.

7. More Star Wars

I didn't go to see Rogue One. At this point, Star Wars is pretty much dead to me.

Can we have new things, please?

Dunkirk was brilliant. Yet more evidence that Christopher Nolan needs to keep directing films that aren't third Batman sequels.

I really liked Laurence Olivier's character in this.

10 Questions I Asked Myself In 2017

1. Why am I still subscribed to Netflix?

So EE rang me up and asked me if I wanted to switch my Internet over to them from Sky and they'd also throw a Now TV box in. 'Sounds great!' So now I'm paying for another streaming service which is only occasionally vital (currently for Game of Thrones Season 7). These streaming services are multiplying and they are dividing how useful they invdividually are. Oh and we ended up keeping Sky TV. [shrug]

Oh there's the WWE Network as well. So that's £40 or more a month just to get basic-ass Sky and some streaming services? There must be a better way of doing this that doesn't involve the game of shifting goalposts posed by pirated sources.

2. How come is Stouffer blue?

No one can ever truly know the answer to this question. It begs the question whether there is any universal truth, can anything ever truly be known?

10 Shocking Things You Did In 2017

1. See some strongmen lift heavy objects

We went to Europe's Strongest Man on 1st April at the Leeds Arena. It was just after the terrorist attack in Manchester so there were lots of armed police making everyone feel safe/uneasy.

2. See some wrestling

Later in April we went to see NXT Live, again at Leeds Arena. It was great, NXT itself is great. We didn't get an Asuka singles match, which was disappointing but we did a Authors of Pain-Sanity tag match and a Drew McIntryre (that guy, again) (Shirley-Ann's favourite) versus Bobby Roode. It was glorious.

3. See more than one gig

Still haven't been to any gigs yet, but I do have Metallica tickets. Yes. Metallica tickets. This time I don't have to go to Ireland to see them, they're coming to Manchester. These were ridiculously expensive, they should be ashamed. Oh and I'm being dragged along to see Ed Sheeran. Well, in the same way that Shirley-Ann gets dragged along to see Nile.

Tune back in another eight months where I rehash this update! Don't forget to like, share and subscribe. Hashtaghashtaghashtaghashtaghashtaghashtagha

Extar, over, out.


TCP/IP, it's fucking me off. Other protocols doing little more. Definitely got worse. Now making me curse. Removing IPX. Will it ever work? Never!