»4th January 2007

Apparently Rent Me Don't Knock Anymore

I may have just had my first encounter with Hedley Manton, the certifiable fucker at the helm of Rent Me. It was about noon and I was still in bed, though crucially awake. I heard someone coming up the stairs and come to our door. As I held my January 3rd celebrations the night before I thought maybe Eddie or JK had forgotten to take something with them and had come back or that maybe Stewart was making an impromptu visit to the flat. Either way, I needed to get some clothes on quick. The flat door had opened and I heard someone approaching my room, the door was propped open, I hadn't got dressed, I wasn't expecting visitors! Some guy who looked about forty greeted me at my room door with a younger looking man (henceforth the Artful Dodger) and an older looking woman behind him.

Evil has a face: Jon Bon Jovi Hedley Manton.

I was still adjusting my jeans and trying not to look like I'd just got up, this guy looked like some eighties throwback, I couldn't quite place it. He had some Jon Bon Jovi roadie aura about him. He also had a stupid bluetooth headset which I presume Rent Me employs to better co ordinate their- wait, wait, what am I talking about? this is Rent Me! Co ordinate?!

"Hi, I'm the landlord. Is there anything wrong with the flat?"
"You! YOU!!! RARRRGGH!!!"

Well, I wish I'd said something like that, and then chased them out of the flat or something but I didn't have anything smart to say. Immediately, my mind was filled with questions! Had he actually read my letter I sent back in october? No way. Then why is someone presumably important enough to call himself the landlord in my flat asking me this? Why are they looking around my flat and not the show flat? Anyway, it's 4th January, I wouldn't normally be here anyway, and he didn't knock! Being quite dazed and with a headache brought on by a mixture of alcohol and head cold I couldn't think of a single fucking thing to say, which sucks... I was pretty disappointed with myself. This could have been my chance to level the score with Rent Me, and let them know how shit they are (I'm sure they get that a lot). I mumbled something about 'I'll have to check the other lads rooms' I could have said anything really. I needed to stall, there must be something I could grumble about, my little walk around the flat did nothing to inspire me and I thought I'd just stand awkwardly in the corridor and hope they leave. I might also figure out why exactly they were looking around my flat.

Cockney Thief: Hedley's pleasant accomplice

Artful Dodger started talking to me, asking me what year of uni I was in and remarking that I had the internet etc. He had a really thick london accent and a snappy suit, I gathered that he was some kind of developer as he said something to Bon Jovi about him being here when they initially built the flats. The woman looked pretty bored and also had a strong London accent and reminded me of Joanna Clore from Green Wing. (which by the way went really shit after the first series)

The bored, burnt out woman.

London guy seemed to be fairly pleasant, at the time I wondered why such a nice guy would associate with Rent Me, then I remembered that everyone at Rent Me seem fairly nice, yet are all lying, inept, contemptible, hopeless bastards. Whilst talking I noticed that my hands were visibly shaking, not sure if the other two noticed this, it surely only added to my student image, what with the kitchen left as it was from the party last night, strewn with takeaway and empty bottles. Quite why Bon Jovi needed to show these people my flat at this time is beyond me. Rent Me employees have an annoying habit of not telling you anything which you need to know and they don't give you names. They must have based their customer relations policy on the Men in Black. I shouldn't have to deal with people bursting into my flat without knocking, who don't say who they are or why they're there. Good job that, as Eddie earlier remarked when he knocked on my room (take note Rent Me) to tell me he was going, I can get dressed very quickly.
Thankfully Bon Jovi and friends didn't stay long and I could resume my recovery process of bed and surprisingly good TV. (Ray Mears on UKHistory at 10am? Who'd have thought it!) Perhaps the visit had something to do with the call I recieved from Watchdog later? This call came after I sent in an email describing Rent Me's fuckings to the show as recomended by an anti Rent Me group on Facebook.


Extar, over, out.

I like JWZ rants, and I like his cross-referencing, which I'm ripping off.