»5th October 2006

Welcome Back


The only photo of my flat. That's a naff view of part of the kitchen.

As many of you probably already know, I've finally moved into the new flat, in spite of Rent Me, and have resumed 'work'. It's a real massive effort to try and sum things up into neat introductory sentences, so I think I'll crack on with the numerous things I wanted to put into this update. This is going to be one of those original updates where I talk about things that have been fucking me insane, prepare to be blown away by atomic innovation.

Things That Have Been Fucking Me Insane

That's things since the last update, not just a general list of grievances, well that depends on how many current affairs I can actually think of.

The shitheads in Flat Six above me

That's right, I'm talking to you, the fuckers who keep making a racket between 4am and 5am, i.e. the time I'm usually asleep or trying to get to sleep. I really don't understand these guys. When I came up to the flat before moving in to have a band practice we bumped into two of them. They were dressed like members of Blazin' Squad (think along the lines of fairly up-market Adidas and such, well as up-market as Adidas can get I guess), they probably had London accents (I can't really remember but their similarity to Sam (who was of course also from London) supports this theory. At the time they seemed fairly okay like arogant twats and they made the rather ominous threat that 'oh it's going to get louder' when I mentioned to them that I heard their music the day before. I intended this to just be something to make conversation, but of course it came out like I was pretty pissed off. The music in question was some really dire bhangra (seriously I don't have a clue how that's meant to be spelt) music, the sort of music that young asian taxi drivers listen to. Now I'm all for world music, but that stuff is just shit. Even this wouldn't be such a problem if they didn't play the damn stuff at 4:30am on a regular basis. I mean we're not talking muffled thumping from the floor above here, they must have some awesome sound system because I can hear everything, it's that loud. Thankfully, these late night music extravaganzas have only been in short bursts, but they are book-ended by general noise from above. This is what is strange, these guys must stay up really late. There's talking, clanging pots and pans in the kitchen, tapping and banging noises that sound suspiciously like DIY. I mean what the hell is wrong with these people? They're regularly up super late/early and seem to be taking care of a variety of domestic tasks. I mean I could excuse noise from the occasional, perhaps even fairly regular party, but these guys are just talking amongst themselves, REALLY FUCKING LOUDLY and doing the sorts of things that I might be found doing at 5pm. Seriously, I really don't know quite how they're managing to make so much fucking noise opening the bloody windows. This problem isn't really helping my sleeping. The downside of razor sharp senses and being able to drop everything I'm doing and leave in 30 seconds when I see the heat, is that I sleep really lightly and when every door across the whole flat complex slams I hear it and I wake up. This means that I'm really tired in the day and have almost slipped back into my quasi-nocturnal uni-mode, which would suck. The distance which sound manages to travel in these type of flat buildings (very halls of residence-ish) is really amazing. Anyway, back to the point, my neighbours above suck.

01:49 06/10/2006 - Update. I was wondering whether my neighbours would try to prove me wrong tonight but oh no, it's getting late, TIME TO SLAM SOME DOORS!

The 'Laundrette'

You guessed it, Rent Me are still sucking. The latest addition to the Rent Me debacle is the sorry state of the laundrette. I reckon that there's in the region of forty flats spread across the three buildings here. That's probably about 120 people at the very least. How many washing machines do Rent Me think is enough for all these people? One washing machine is apparently enough for 120 people, and one drier. The machine itself is pretty knackered, whenever I've checked it there's a pool of cold water in the drum. Now I'm no expert on washing machines, but I reckon it's knackered. Even worse is the state the washing room itself is in, there's random builder shit everywhere, there's Rent Me's trademark unlocked electrical cupboards, an assortment of old computer junk and two hefty looking driers which of course aren't plugged in.

Bearing in mind the fact Rent Me had bought the flats from the now defunct Morris Properties and that Rent Me's maintennance department appears to consist of three idle, slow working liars with a van, I reckon whoever was working on the wash room left fairly abruptly, suggesting that they weren't been paid. It's not as though I'm ever going to use that laundrette as it's easier for me to just take laundry home at the weekend, but it's not as if I could use the laundrette considering the state it's in.

Just when you thought Rent Me couldn't fuck up any more, they find new ways. Surprisingly, my experiences with Rent Me pale in comparison to the stories Mark heard from someone in the student newspaper office. Someone must be writing some article for the paper on Rent Me telling about how the house they are renting from our friends turned out to be a condemned building when they tried to move in. That's both hilarious and shocking at the same time, it just speaks for itself really, that article will write itself.

Size 11 boot scores a critical hit! Door expires!

The 'recycling' shop? Room? Whatever it is.

The Union giveth, and the Union taketh away. It blessed us with the new off-license but it now subjects us to a variety of new and pointless shops as punishment. Where the old alcohol shop used to be there is now a stupid... well... I think you'd just call it a 'student shop'. It sells some t-shirts, concert tickets (I think) and perhaps stationery. I really don't know what the point of it is, so until I do, I'll label it Pretentious Indie BullShit HOle. I presume it's for the trendy kids. Whatever it is, it's a big black hole in my intel and I need to get some recon on the ground there. IT'S TOTALLY BLOWN MY OP SEC!
Even more bizarre than the PIBSHO is this room full of recycling bins and- well that's about it. It seems to be some kind of recycling shop, which as I'm sure you'll agree seems pretty pointless. I think recycling is great, but does it really deserve floor space in the Union. I mean in that unit they could have built a heavy metal music, guitar and computer shop which would have a giant projector showing Arnie films all day and have a bar. Such a shop could have a cool name like Hangar 18 or something. That would be an awesome shop, I'd go there all the time. But no! To personally spite me, the Union fills a room with bins!
Amusingly, there's a noticeboard in this strange place saying 'take a leaflet to learn how to recycle'. I thought it'd be cool to put up a sign next to it saying 'don't take a leaflet to learn how to save paper'.

Guy from tutorial who wears brown Leeds hoodie

This clown (henceforth known as Shitface) is in my Second Hundred Years War tutorial and he is arogant, over opinionated and ignorant of how much more important alliances were than personalities in eigtheenth century Anglo-French diplomacy. That also makes him ignorant of how right I am and how he's stupid. In the tutorial I came up with a definite list of why alliances were by far the most important. When we had to go into groups to discuss this and the other factors, this ass got way too into the debate, I mean I didn't particularly care that much about alliances in eighteenth century diplomacy until this guy started trying to force his idiotic views on the rest of the group. As my contempt for him grew, so it seems did his arogance and his eagerness to tell the group his stupid opinions. I mean this is a tutorial, no one gets so into it like that, enthusiasm is usually spread very thin over the catatonic hour duration. The tutor, Kevin Linch, seemed pretty doubtful about this guy's malformed theories. Gareth? Jeremy? Whatever his name he used to be in the flat across from me back in Devonshire, he had a good go at trying to show Shitface how wrong he was. Alas, as the debate grew more heated and more uncomfortable considering my waning energy, Shitface only became more determined to hammer his stupid point home. Why do idiots always make the most noise?
I know this is sounding a fairly petty gripe to make it into the Fucked Insane Hall of Fame, but I have a completely unfounded pretty solid idea that Shitface is from London and is thus part of the conspiracy based in Flat Six. This of course means that the conspiracy is far more organised than I first thought and that their plan encompasses far more than just making loads of noise late at night.

Things which haven't been fucking me insane

The new off-license in the Union

Now I can buy beer, milk and Lucozade in one place! And there are many offers on my favourite drinks! Excellent!
Thanks to this new shop I can now keep my fridge stocked with the essentials (milk, Strongbow and Budweiser) whilst also keeping me going during library sessions (Lucozade and sandwiches).

The New Flat

I'm really pleased with how much better the new flat is than Beechwood Terrace, despite Rent Me's multitude of failures, they can't really screw up what is fundamentally a decent flat. The kitchen is pretty decent and kind of has a nice view across Leeds, the fitted furniture in the rooms are pretty spacious despite not having places to feed cables, even the bed (which is still at risk of falling apart) is pretty good now that I've stopped it leaning against the wall with some Lidl fold-out crates. Being a reasonably modern building, unlike Beechwood, the temperature in my room isn't necessarily simply what the temperature is outside +10 degrees if it's hot or -10 degrees if it's cold! En suite ftw etc!

Bobby Digital (Box)

I bought myself a digi-box and I've been watching a lot of ABC1, with it's no nonsense formula of hardcore american sitcom action all through the day! With a few poor exceptions (Home Improvement- ugh) the shows range from inoffensively average (8 simple rules) to pretty good (Scrubs). They do have a few too many ad breaks but it's consistently good throughout the day, which means I safely leave it on all afternoon.
Other TV discoveries include The Dead Zone which appears usually after midnight on Channel 4. I've been watching it mainly because it tends to be the only worthwhile thing on at that time, but it's slowly growing on me, with it's Steven-King-esque storylines and production values. The main character is about twice as smug and posing as the main character in CSI:Miami- that's pretty smug.

CDs!

I'll now take the time to attempt some mini-reviews of good albums I've recently got my filthy hands on.
Iron Maiden - Powerslave

I found a second-hand copy in Hellraiser when I was looking for a big poster to put up in the kitchen. Based upon the cool album artwork and the price I thought I'd give it a shot, and it's really good. Old school heavy metal has been growing on me recently, and this is just the sort of thing I wanted. Highlights include:
2 Minutes To Midnight - Seriously infectious chorus, I've found myself singing this a lot as I stalk the halls of our flat 'neath the crimson moon.
Powerslave - The title track, it's about ancient Egypt. Kill! The main riff in it is in the minor melodic scale or a mode or something and sounds all egyptian and stuff and has the always reliable dum-di-di-dum-di-di-dum... rhythm. Double Kill! It has some awesome soloing in it. Multi Kill! The chorus is really cool and has some nice harmonies. Ultra Kill! It ends with some serious egyptiany lead fills. M-m-m-monster kill-ill-ll-l!
Rime Of The Ancient Mariner - It's thirteen minutes long, which is pretty epic. It made it into highlights on the running time alone, it's probably as consistently awesome as the rest of the album is anyway.

Napalm Death - Scum

This was one of my 'dangerous' purchases from Music Zone. It's either ND's first album, or at least very early. It's supposed to be 'Grindcore' whatever the hell that sub-genre of extreme metal is supposed to be. The album is pretty shoddy in places but manages to carry itself through with some really 'crushingly grim' riffs. Most of the songs are pretty short, and some are kind of samey, but you should be seeking this album for a quick blast of heavyness. The production is reasonable, with a shockingly (in a good way) rumbly and fuzzy bass. I have a slight issue with the guitars, for a start there only seems to be one guitarist on the tracks, which I feel limits the power somewhat. Also, some of the guitaring is just fucking untidy in places, but then again some of the vocal 'delivery' is pretty shocking. Sometimes the indecipherable screaming or grunting works, other times not so much, at the very least it takes some getting used to. The best songs on the album tend to be the longer ones especially when you can almost make out what the singer might be saying. The lyrics are consistently 'grim' and 'crushing' or amusingly overbaked and angry, depending on your outlook, either way is good I feel. An average song on this album (there are 28, and the running time is around 30 minutes, go figure) features a really low bass part, relentless blast beats, a slow bit in the middle with a half time drum beat and lyrics about how society is a fucking lie and you're a fucking whore who is being fucked by the knife of mass failure whist you rot in automaton's filth who is controlling you? Who is controlling you? Who is controlling youuurrrraarrrrrrrrrrrh........ Rah!. There might also be a bit with cymbal sustains and feedback, if you're lucky there might also be a dischordant solo. Super!
Album highlights include: (Mostly just the tracks I've listened to most, i.e. the first ones)
Multinational Corporations - This starts off with a long period of cymbal sustain (I think that's what the technique is called) and then some feedback whilst the singer grunts the lyrics "Multi- national- corpo- rations- genocide- of the- starving- nations" a few times. This is a really cool opening song, and probably the one with the most audible lyrics.
Siege Of Power - This is the longest track at a whopping 3:59. It's probably about the Cold War or something, but I can't be bothered to check the lyrics. It starts with a real killer of an intro, with a cool riff and amazingly restrained drums. There's also a 'break it down, yo' section before launching into blast beats. Being the longest and most complex song, it's one of the most satisfying on the album, you can also make out the words 'Siege of Power' in the lyrics themselves, which is cool I guess. This song also features easily the best solo on the album.
You Suffer - This song has the cryptic lyrics "You suffer, but why?". It's also 1.3 seconds long, making it the shortest recorded song ever. There's probably about one guitar chord in the whole thing, you can't really hear much, there isn't really much to hear either, being only 1.3 seconds long. Still, it's one of my favourite tracks on the album, if only purely for novelty value. It's the kind of song you can sneak on someone who doesn't like this kind of music, being so short it doesn't give them enough time to whine about it so they're left unsure what just happened which is when you can strike!

Slayer - Christ Illusion - I made a huge full on review of Christ Illusion which you can read here.

Christ, that Christ Illusion review took me ages to write and I want to draw this update to a close before it becomes too big to finish. Already, I'm going to have to leave adding pictures and the other whistles and bells until tomorrow, hopefully I will actually get this thing update this weekend when it'll still be relatively recent.

Wall St.

My favourite Oliver Stone film is still good, even if I decide that I'm going to watch it in its entirety at 3am after having a few cans. Yep, I've been keeping myself really busy in the lull before they really start throwing the work at us. Wall St. is the sort of film which makes you spontaneously, and rather erroneously, shout "YES! It's the fucking eighties!" whilst watching it. What? Oh... so it's only me who does that.

My New Bass

I was determined not to buy another musical instrument this year, I really am running out of room. However, when I got wind of a Jackson bass going for £250, I just couldn't pass up the offer. It turns out this bass is some kind of american custom model. Which for all you non-guitar-buffs translates into a super awesome unique of a guitar. This could easily have been sold at three times the value, oh and it's only been played at about three or so gigs, so it's practically brand new and is in flawless condition. Yep, this was a bargain of [injoke]Metro proportions[/injoke]. I think the body shape is like that of a Jackson Futura, which itself is pretty hard to find and was probably only done in a limited run. The pick-ups are active Reflexes, which I hope are pretty good. Despite being armed with a detailed spec list of the guitar and the fucking serial number I still have virtually no information on this thing beyond what you can learn from just inspection. Now all I need is a bass amp and bass lessons... Still, I'm super pleased with it.


Well, I think this update is sufficiently big enough to make up for the one month absence, and it should hopefully cover everything I've been thinking about talking about in the past month. If it hasn't, I guess that's just how the shit hits the wall huh?

Extar, over, out.

Abolish the rules made of stone.