»20th August 2006

Metal Mallet Hyper Bowl

I am pleased to inform you that The RDF Project played its first gig on friday at The Brighton in Heckmondwike. Loads of people turned up and we all had a really good time. Lucky for us it turned out that someone from the local paper, The Heckmondwike Herald, had found out about the gig and came along to have a listen. We didn't know he was there until after we'd finished, so it was pretty cool being asked to do an interview out of the blue. We got onto the sixth page of the Herald I found out this morning, next to a story about a sponsored walk to raise money for a statue of Lockwood's Carpets that is being put up on the green in town. I can't believe they got a colour photo and not us!


These clowns are supposedly higher profile than The RDF Project.

Anyway, I typed up the review we got in the Herald.

Local Band Take Brighton By Storm
"The RDF Project, The Brighton, Heckmondwike, 21st July 2006.

I approached this Kirklees based band with some caution, yet one cannot ignore the considerable hyperbole surrounding this quintessentially pioneering trio. The synth-metal-funk scene in Heckmondwike has been dire ever since July Rising cornered the club scene with their radio friendly emo-rock. The RDF Project are just the sort of rag-tag fugitives you'd expect of an up-coming band. With two guitarists, a keyboardist and a fantastically talented drum machine known only as 'Dr. Dre', RDF play a wide selection of obscure, often clinically butchered metal-wave and threatcore songs. The choice of venue seemed frankly bizarre, with the majority of the crowd being the middle-aged regulars far more used to jukebox classics than cutting edge, contemporary acid roots. Yet The RDF Project had somehow persuaded enough of their friends (about two other people) to come along to the gig and cheer from the mosh pit at the foot of the two foot high chipboard platform serving as a stage.


A recent publicity photo of The RDF Project

The beginning of the gig confirmed my worst fears, the vocal power-house of one of the consumnate guitar duo screamed at the top of his lungs "Are you ready, fuckheads!" from within the shroud of smoke from both the pub's clientele and the excessive usage by the band of the visually arresting smoke machines. The first song was a rambunctious cover of Nine Inch Nail's seminal master-stroke 'March of the Pigs', the crowd seemed more interested in the curry that was set out on the pool table but at this point my interest was rising. The second song featured an extremely angry ____ 'Extar' ____________'s voice collapse mid-way through the pandemic of rock which was 'Paranoid'. After this initial volley of esoteric destruction, RDF followed up with a poignant cover of the Johnny Cash song 'Hurt'. The curry was now gone and the band had the audiences undivided, alcohol-ridden attention and promptly launched in a stand-out cover of Megadeth's 'Kill The King' which was only slightly hampered when the relentless pounding of the sycophantic drum machine cut out and left the now sweat-drenched guitarists isolated.
Further technical difficulties followed when Eddie 'The Source' Lancaster's guitar lead fell out, yet the thundering, unstoppable might of 'Kill The King continued, even with a short interlude of bossa nova drums as Carl struggled to control the Drum Machine. Finally, the gig rounded up with a terrible, minimalist cover of Simple Mind's 'Don't You' during which JK 'Jordan' Kelly poured several cans of caffeine drink over himself before throwing yet more caffeine drinks into the now uninterested crowd. With a final riposte of the casually lumbering 'Lexx Theme', one of the band shouted "You little cunts have experienced RDF" at the thinning crowd as one of the under-powered amps caught fire and the band left the stage. Despite gaping flaws, The RDF Project have only confirmed themselves as the saviours of the local music scene, which has been suffering under the weight of bands named after Cornish villages for some time now.
In a frank interview after the gig, RDF front-man Dr. Dre described the local scene as 'mostly consisting of pretentious indie bullshit' and lamented the unenthusiastic crowd claiming that 'these clowns aren't ready for us, we're on another level'. This reporter can only sing the praises of a band overflowing with talent and innovation. Like the Dixie Chicks on steroids, The RDF Project play music badly and with a Brando-esque gusto, the way it should be. A minimalist, flawed but high energy gig, RDF is going places, at over 200bpm. 3/5. Gary Daniels."

Gary Daniels writes a weekly music column for The Spen Guardian and Heckmondwike Herald.


Extar, over, out.

TCP/IP, it's fucking me off. Other protocols doing little more. Definitely got worse. Now making me curse. Removing IPX. Will it ever work? Never!