»26th October 2005

Paranoid

Whereas previously I considered the conspiracy against me to be unfounded and non-existant, after my trip home from the library on Tuesday I'm pretty convinced that every little fuck in Leeds is trying to destroy me. Some little cunts hanging around the railway bridge near Burley Park thought it'd be amusing to attack me with a fire extinguisher, one of the really messy powder ones. Now last time I checked, I didn't appear to resemble an electrical fire, so presumably my attackers just didn't like the look of me or something. The whole incident was as follows. I had planned to go the library at around six, but as usual I ended up going two hours later at eight o' clock. It was pissing it down on the way which got me fairly rattled. The library session itself was fairly unproductive though as I don't know that much about the essay I was planning for and the lap shit-top has all those fun games on. It got to half eleven, the library was shutting and I made my way back. The walk back was fairly uneventful until I crossed the railway bridge. For a start, some chav was walking the opposite way to me across the bridge, and he looked pretty drunk/stoned/lobotomised, at the time I thought nothing of it, I mean chavs generally have that vacant expression. I noticed two other guys stood on the pavement, I had my walkman on playing Ministry - Psalm 69 so I couldn't hear them. Presumably they tried hurling abuse at me, I suppose it wouldn't matter to them why I didn't respond but they took the opportunity to have a go at me with whatever came to hand, which in this case was a fire extinguisher. I was quite confused when I suddenly found myself surrounded by a cloud of white, turning round I saw my assailant jogging alongside me. You'd be amazed how much you notice the horrible taste of that powder stuff when you get a blast in the face. Still quite confused as to what the hell this guy was trying to do I thought I better try get out the way of his fire extinguisher. I started getting a little worried when he followed after me, though I was hardly running very fast being weighed down by the shit-top in the bag. After another broadside of powder, the guy must have run off. I turned around after I'd stopped running expecting another blast of fire extinguisher but the two fuckers were nowhere to be seen. That powder stuff gets everywhere and I gave up trying to brush it all out my hair and walked on after giving another check they weren't going to come back.

The whole incident sounds a lot more dramatic written down. Probably thanks to me not being able to hear anything because of Ministry's industrial droning I didn't get even the slightest rush of addrenaline which I've come to expect from encounters with the burberry clad scum high on glue and drunk on white lightning who stalk the streets at night. Once I got back to the house, which is worryingly close to the railway bridge which I've suspected before of being an area to avoid, I kind of started thinking how fucking dangerous Leeds is. I mean the two shits were hanging around near a railway bridge, near some shady parkland, an untidy housing estate, at around midnight WITH A FUCKING FIRE EXTINGUISHER. I mean the idiocy of that statement should be enough. Yet they could quite easily have been equipped with other weapons, a fire-WORK? a knife? a fire-ARM?
The whole stretch of delapidated nineteenth-century terraced houses and twentieth-century depravation from the edge of Woodhouse Moor to the Burley Park area, encompassing Royal Park Road, is just a sink-hole of urban filth. The streets are constantly full of shit and litter, one of the restaurants on Royal Park Road recently got burned down, Royal Park Taxis appear to have got smashed in last week. It pisses me off that I have to walk through that shitty inner-city crime hole to get to and from university. It's not as if I need another reason to hate living in Leeds. Now I have to worry about being mugged as well? I don't want to start debating why there's such animosity between the student and non-student population in this part of Leeds, I think I see a few ways in which students manage to piss everyone off already. The constant migrant population of ignorant and selfish students probably rattles the locals quite a bit. You can often hear some people staggering back from some club at 3am every night, they tend to be as good as waking you up as the fucking planes are. However I think my fire extinguisher toting enemies are a different problem, a problem to which I see the solution being shooting on sight any social fucks found loitering on quiet streets at night. There is NEVER a good reason to be moping around near a park whilst wearing Adidas jogging bottoms at midnight.

I hope bad things happen to those hopeless fucks.


Extar, over, out.

I'd rather not have had to spend 15 minutes wiping extinguisher powder off my leather jacket today.