»24th January 2005

South of Headingley

An unforeseen seminar nestled somewhere in timetable.
Unusual room number, no directions, no signs.
January 24th the second semester arrives.
Before you write the essay you must analyse.

Illuminated students, conform to the faith.
Fashion and opinion result irate.
Call of the search for your shattered sanity.
Imprisoned somewhere in the university.

Liberals rampant.
An age of distrust.
Confrontations.
Repulsive habitat.

Geldoff's sons strum on their semi-accoustics.
Ridiculous haircuts, watching artistic french flicks.
Shoes with no soles condemned for all eternity.
Constructed temple of Guardian mediocrity.

Liberals rampant.
An age of distrust.
Confrontations.
Repelled by Black Sabbath.

On and on, south of Headingley.

LEAD: KING

The root of all evil is at the heart of the Edward Boyle.
A library with sources cast in turmoil.
A never ending search for a book never find.
The loss of all hope and your time.

Liberals rampant.
An age of distrust.
Confrontations.
Repulsive habitat.

On and on, south of Headingley.

LEAD: HANNEMAN


If it wasn't immediately obvious, that was based on the Slayer song 'South of Heaven', which is ace.



Primary Sources for the Historian tutorial

The first day of Semester 2 got off to a rip-roaring start with a lone tutorial at 3pm. Hoping that maybe I would get a better hand from the lottery of the school of history, I was dismayed to find myself faced with a whole new wave of Ruperts. The term 'effortless brilliance' was probably made with these guys in mind.
"Well I didn't bother reading the set text last semester, but I got a first anyway" - Oh really? That's really good. I really appreciate you telling me that. I now have a greater respect for you now that I know you are a pillar of the academic community.
Fate's idea of a joke, which would probably take the form of shoveling shit into your face, was to actually put someone in the class whose name was Rupert. A Rupert, who is actually called Rupert? This is really too much!
Rupert: definition. A rather arogant, pompous, self important, self publicising and amazingly pretentious individual who conforms to virtually every student trend going. Ruperts tend to speak in a lazy slur, using words such as 'Yarh' in place of 'Yes' and often overuse words such as 'actually' and 'like'. In women, this condition has other symptoms, such as a husky, barely audible voice.

I could talk about why I hate Ruperts so much, but it would take far too long and would quickly make me far more angry than I already am. Well, I guess it's something I can save for a rainy day.

Once I had got over the fact that the tutorial group had got worse from last semester, I began to notice the strange similarity between the tutor and Gerry Adams of Sinn Fein feim... errr I uh- mean fame. As I was thinking up a response to the inevitable 'What do you think about the 'peace process' in Northern Ireland?' question, the seminar went from bad to worse. Gerry Adams was explaining how much more work he was going to have us doing this semester. How anything we should be doing he would MAKE us do. The borders between reality and Full Metal Jacket began to blur. One of the Ruperts was obviously emerging as Joker, and pretty soon I knew I'd end up in a prolonged gunfight against an AK-47 toting vietnamese girl. Just as I had aquired the 1000 yard stare and was about to utter the words 'Game over, man...'- the tutorial ended. A whole 90 minutes had just flown by. I now knew that I had to buy a book written by Nelson Mandela off Amazon because the stupid Union bookshop had run out of copies, I knew that I would have to spend time with even more Ruperts, listening to their stupid opinions and nodding and agreeing to make it all go away and I knew that once again I was sat at the grindstone.

Perhaps that's making everything sound a bit grim. I mean it was after all, only the first tutorial and that it will only be on a mondays, but I also remember that I'm once again going to have to read a book in a fair amount of detail which probably won't be that interesting, will have to read around a subject I have absolutely no prior knowledge of and will have to do this all amongst the company of hell-spawned Guardian reading fairies with the added complication of an ex-IRA overseer. Yeah, sounds like a stimulating learning experience.


Extar, over, out.

TCP/IP, it's fucking me off. Other protocols doing little more. Definitely got worse. Now making me curse. Removing IPX. Will it ever work? Never!