»7th January 2005
ASCII
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In the interests of saving space on this thing, I decided to only use ASCII pictures for this blog update. Believe me, I made that myself, I did not use a free trial version of an ASCII image editing suite, I mean come on, that's just not very hardcore is it?
Now, seeing as I have included a picture relating to Metallica, I suppose I should at least make some passing comment on them. Well, as you may already know, that picture is from their seminal album 'Master of Puppets', which I think is really good. I enjoy listening to Master of Puppets on my Walkman whilst travelling on public transport. It makes the whole experience fairly enjoyable believe it or not. Before I forget, I might as well start noting down what music I am listening to. Now that's a self indulgence few blogs are without! [Metallica - Battery] The more I think about it, the more Metallica and public transport seem poor choices for a blog update. ASCII however IS a good idea.
I'm still hoping a real good idea will pop into my head [Metallica - Blackened], so in the meantime I will bitch about NG reviews. NG stands for NewGrounds and also for Numerous Gays. I hate the majority of NG reviewers, I've discussed this already, but Blog gives me a great opportunity to re-tread some old ground as is the trend on the Cube of late. I don't like doing this, but I feel it necessary.I could quite easily make a long discourse on how 90% of the NG reviews are 'a failure to communicate' but that would be boring for me to type and boring for you to read. So I will just paste a few of the all time classic reviews[Dismember - Let the Napalm Rain].
I'd paste the actual reviews as displayed on NG, but the HTML for NG's automatically generated tables scares me and is difficult to implement.
[Slayer - Hallowed Point (Live)]
that was gay. January 6, 2005
Reviewed by: Oblivion_Pony Overall rating: 0
that was so stupid... damn brits
Graphics: 4 Sound: 5 Interactivity: 0 Style: 0 Violence: 0 Humor: 0
Extar's response:
Your review was so stupid. I'd even go as far to say you are stupid too. Damn stupid people.
me no likey December 18, 2004
Reviewed by: UberNode Overall rating: 0
you dmn brits with your slow animation and imperialist attitude. why don't you just go and spend your time making salt taxes or opressing ireland. that didn't even look like a gay bar!. just regular people
Graphics: 1 Sound: 0 Interactivity: 0 Style: 0 Violence: 0 Humor: 0
Extar's response:
Someone didn't get over the War of Independance eh?
[Mike Post - Magnum P.I. Theme]
Anus licker January 6, 2005
Reviewed by: Slavedriver Overall rating: 0
This is the shittiest thing i ever seen, I puked while watching it. I hate this, this is worse than Billy's Doll.
Graphics: 0 Sound: 0 Interactivity: 0 Style: 0 Violence: 0 Humor: 0
Extar's response:
Believe it or not, I did not make the flash just to personally offend you. However, were I to make the flash again, I would make it just to personally offend you. Your review was shit.
Well, that's enough copy and pasting for one update. Hopefully that parade of stupidity went some way to illustrating to you how retarded the reviewers on NG can be if they try real hard. I got bored of reporting what music I am listening to [Wagner - Ride of the Valkyries]. I need that god damned version they used on Apocalypse Now, with the opera singer and all. This blog update has gone better than expected. Colour, not usually seen in such abundance on the Cube! Well, I reckon the end of this update is approaching. I feel that we have all learnt from this, and that we are all better people for it. For all I hate NG, I must still remember that it probably provides me with a hell of a lot more exposure than the Cube alone would, and it might also generate the odd one or two new visitors to this site. So for that, I can tolerate it... for now.
Actually, I was just struck with another idea for a paragraph. No, don't worry I havent webcammed myself doing something 'hilarious' like drinking bleach or whatever, as would be the thing to do on a blog. No, I have decided to review the elite band which comprises the contents of Mars Celebrations.
Mars - We start off with the good old Mars bar, a real solid entry in the Celebrations number. Not personally my favorite, but Mars is a chocolate bar that doesn't fuck you around. Chocolate, caramel and 'nougat' working in unison. I mean there really isn't any way you could improve the Mars bar, a classic.
Bounty - Ooh a bit of a maverick here. A real dangerous customer. I mean coconut!? That's a bit of a crazy filling don't you think? Bounty is quite a simple beast, chocolate with coconut stuff, I mean that's about as minimal as it could be. Bounty is definitely for people who like to describe themselves as 'edgy' or 'mysterious', like Jack Burton for example.
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Malteser - Hot on the trail of Bounty is the Malteser, considered by many to be the one celebration to rule them all. It is indeed a mighty lump of chocolate. One of the two elliptoid celebrations, I must say I can see why people find the Maltesers so great. Crunchy, yet smooth, a real snake in the grass it is.
Galaxy Truffle - The second elliptoid and one of my favorites. These things are the bomb if you let them melt in the mouth. Such a soft and creamy chocolate however is quite sickly, if I eat more than three consecutively or in less than 5 minutes, I die. Dying is a real pain in the arse.
Galaxy - Now this is real hardcore. Just a solid block of Galaxy, straightforward and gets the job done. Not as sickly as the Truffles which is a plus. If Galaxy was a guitar it'd be a Telecaster.
Topic - We're onto the weaker ones now. I can never make my mind up with Topic. Sometimes, it really hits the spot, sometimes it's like some evil aggregate sweepings-up affair. The nougat is the real cornerstone of this one, makes it or breaks it.
Snickers - My least favorite celebration, mainly due to the abundance of nuts in it. Why the hell they thought 'Snickers' sounds better than 'Marathon' is still beyond me, but that still wouldn't lift this one above the 'well I don't want them to go waste' level.
Milky Way - This never seems to make the transition to Celebrations size well. I mean full-size (though still pitifully undersized) Milky Ways rock. In shrinking them even further, they seem to lose some of their charm. They lose a little smoothness on the erm... milky stuff filling. Milky Ways are pretty straightforward, chocolate and filling, and they aren't that bad, but so much of a missed opportunity.
Galaxy Caramel - This one is quite fragile. I mean that caramel can so easily escape its thing chocolate shell, and you don't want caramel going everywhere and making a mess. That aside, these guys aren't so bad. Not really a fan of caramel in much quantity so Galaxy Caramels are just on the borderline. Not bad, not bad at all.
Well, that's a blog entry truly over now. The last thing before I depart again is this to think about. Why in Trent's name does the UK seemingly not get the Twix celebration? I mean Twixs focking ruck!
#Enough on the food. Let's go.
Extar, over, out.
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TCP/IP, it's fucking me off. Other protocols doing little more. Definitely got worse. Now making me curse. Removing IPX. Will it ever work? Never!